About money, its value, and meaning

Hello,

do you have any idea which month people spend the most? I believe many intuitively guess the answer. It's November and December—the period when spending reaches its peak. And it's really no surprise: Black Friday is marked at the end of November. A day that was initially just an American tradition is now observed almost worldwide. Not only has its geography expanded, but its duration has expanded as well—it no longer takes up just a single Friday, but lasts almost the entire month of November.

I am writing this letter not only to you, but also to myself. This is my attempt to talk to that inner Gintarė of mine who still falls for the temptations of "great price today only." It's laughter through tears, but right as I write these sentences, a notification from the "Douglas" app pops up on my phone, reminding me that a special discount is valid today. Like a kind of test—to see how well I manage to withstand the price frenzy.

To tell the truth, I ran a small experiment this year: are good prices really only available during Black Friday? My experience is simple—good prices exist all year round. Yes, you read that right! Sometimes they're even better. Realizing this fact seemed to empower me to keep my sanity and not give in to the impulse to buy as much as possible just because it's cheap. However, to turn impulsive, emotional shopping into a conscious choice, I had to understand the psychological mechanisms lurking inside me that, unfortunately, still pull me into the shopping wave.

I am sharing them with you as well. Research shows that our purchasing behavior is not just logic or a rational decision. It is a much more complex process. When analyzing impulse buys, it turns out that visual stimuli (beautifully presented ads, selling stories), intensive advertising campaigns (you decided to buy mascara, and now that ad follows you everywhere), emotional fatigue, and along with it, reduced self-control significantly increase the likelihood of buying spontaneously without leaving room for deeper consideration.

How does emotional fatigue drive purchasing?

Emotional fatigue directly reduces activity in the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for logic, planning, and our internal "stop" button. Research shows that when tired, people are much more likely to choose instant pleasure because the rational part disconnects first. The result is simple: a purchase begins to look like quick peace, a quick solution, quick comfort.

Fatigue also lowers levels of dopamine, our neurotransmitter for motivation and pleasure. When dopamine is low, the brain looks for anything to boost it briefly: sweets, social media, and of course, shopping. Online shopping becomes a dangerously easy path here—just a few clicks, and dopamine briefly spikes. There are even studies showing that after a hard day at work or experiencing emotional stress, people spend significantly more because decisions are made not out of need, but out of exhaustion.

Fatigue also reduces the ability to resist marketing stimuli. When we are tired, the brain becomes more sensitive to discount headlines. This is further fueled by the well-known FOMO—fear of missing out. Research shows that people are much more inclined to buy when they sense scarcity. Headlines like "today only," "6 items left," "last chance" are processed by the brain as a risk of losing something.

Emotional fatigue increases the feeling of emptiness. Purchasing is often driven not by need, but by an attempt to fill that void. Instead of getting some sleep, we opt for sweets, scroll, or spend money on items we don't need.

There is also another aspect—hedonistic motives discussed in behavioral finance research. This is shopping to improve our mood, distract from stress, or feel a bit better for at least a few minutes.

And yet another, perhaps even the deepest layer—the social mirror. When you scroll through Instagram or TikTok and see someone you follow enjoying a "wonderful face mask" or a "perfectly fitting sweater," our psyche interprets this as social approval. And it doesn't matter at all that you have sweaters for two years ahead, and often end up throwing out face masks because you haven't touched them since last time. Studies show that simply observing such content increases the likelihood of impulse buying because it activates the desire to belong. All of this comes together into one very human picture: we buy not only because we need to, but also because buying becomes a reaction to our internal state. And if we don't notice this, we very easily drift along with the tide.

Let's ask ourselves three questions

I suggest for both myself and you this month (it will also come in handy in December :)) to try a very simple and surprisingly effective rule: whenever the urge to buy something arises, let's pause for a moment and ask ourselves these three questions:

What am I feeling? Fatigue, anxiety, boredom, emptiness, stress?

What do I really want to fill? Tension? Loneliness? A lack of inspiration? Or maybe I just want coziness? Is there a free way to get that same feeling? A walk, tea, a conversation, meditation, a bath, sleep. Often we will realize that what we want is not an object, but a feeling.

Why does this work? Because most of the time we are buying the feeling we expect to get. And when we recognize the feeling, we become freer to choose differently. And perhaps even more importantly—this is not a challenge to be better, more perfect, or never buy anything again. No.

This is an invitation to make a conscious decision. Because each of us has experienced that moment when we order something that lifts our mood for five seconds, and then vanishes like smoke, leaving that feeling of emptiness we try so hard to escape, unconsciously becoming part of consumer culture.

I wish for both of us to move through this period more consciously. Realizing that the truly most important things in life have no price tag and never will. And everything else… everything else is just choices we can make consciously, with love, clarity, and respect for ourselves. Because, in the end, money is merely the way we speak to life—about what we desire, what we believe in, and what truly matters to us. If this letter resonated with you, write to me. It is so rewarding to receive feedback because it makes me feel like I'm not just writing to myself. Since this letter turned out a bit longer than I planned, another one will reach you soon—dedicated to the Christmas rush. Does Christmas really have to be about excessive consumption and boundless gift buying? What can each of us do to truly make it about meaning and time spent together?

With love

Gintarė